Tuesday, December 2, 2008

On Losing and Winning, sort of.

I'm sitting here watching the Biggest Loser, and trying to wind down from what's already become a very stressful week at work. It's ironic, because I skipped my own workout tonight which makes me feel lazy. Chubbier. And generally not good about myself. I'm trying to get excited about the holiday season, I really am, but for several reasons I find myself just barely hanging on in the fight against my own personal demons. 

I want to be stronger than this, but I can identify with The Biggest Loser contestants right now: they're trying to hold on with their bare feet and hands, sandwiched between plexiglass sheets above a huge pool. The timer's ticking away, and their feet are getting sweaty and slipping inch by inch gradually despite their best efforts, and one by one they have to bail out and jump in. If I can just hang on, try not to *fall* then I can jump in of my own free will. I want that freedom to just consume me.

I am reminded that I'm not just going to "be on a missions trip" to Uganda. I expect change. I hope for renewal and the ability to rejoice in my circumstance not just in Uganda but once I am back. Things at work will still be stressful, personal relationships may still be strained, but I want Uganda to slap me in the face and tell me to stop complaining because there is a bigger picture. The people of Jinja, Gulu and Kaihura that I have met are inspirational. They have experienced so much and yet do not let it weaken them; instead, they find strength in family and faith. The women I have met there have strength beyond measure. 

Strength. Strength. Strength.

Prayers this week: strength to fight my own emotions and stay focused, for Amani and Amazima to raise their needed funds for property and the upcoming years' costs, and traveling mercies for Travis, David, and Cooper (who left Sunday for Kenya, Tanz., and Ug.), as well as divine appointments to situations in which all of us Americans in Uganda can be of use.

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