no news

Um, I am an idiot who got Tuesday confused with Wednesday and missed the date on which to fax my contract by to the travel agency....afldsjk;alf;djk!

Praying this goes through anyways. The agent said it should be okay and theyd call if there was a problem...so far no news, which is good news!

she's mental.

Spent tonight tagging and bagging some items for Global Support's 2nd ave. party tomorrow night. If more people knew about this blog thus far, I'd tell you all to come...but I guess that's moot for now. Regardless, I've spent most of today and this weekend thinking about the trip. As I fell asleep last night I was beginning to dream of something relating to Africa, and still thinking about the aforementioned/blogged situation... and first thing when I woke up I ran into Melissa online.

The dear girl assured me that they'd be saving me a spot in the house come December, and she gave me a little more info as to things that are going on around town. Suubi seems to be growing exponentially... they are working with over a hundred women who are making the necklaces, and no doubt forming lasting relationships there. I believe a couple of the guys are doing weekly meals in a nearby village, and I'm hoping to find out more about that. Maybe my coworkers might be interested in sponsoring one of these meals? I wonder if I'm allowed to ask about this.

The wheels are spinning.

Spinning.

And at times today, I've almost felt sick with it all spinning like this. Tears came to my eyes at church today as the pastor was talking about purpose, and only mentioned the word missionary before my mind was off on its own tangent. I envisioned myself holding Jeremiah, or walking down the street on the way to the babies' home...and here it is November...and I am already feeling the pain of what it will be like to leave another place I long to call home.

Spinning.

Grace.

One face I look forward to seeing again, just one of so many.

If I could seek prayer from you guys about something sort of unspoken, I'd love to ask for that now. I realize as I look through a lot of my photos, that there are some memories that are going to be hard for me to deal with as I go back over this year. It pains my heart still, almost a year later, and I am a little afraid of how it will affect me once I'm there. I am just praying that the Lord will mend this wound and allow me to truly move on without all this hurt. And to truly serve with an open, unembittered heart. 

what it's about.

I've been struggling all year with things that are on levels I've never considered before. Thinking about love and relationships, my career, my relationship with God, and more specifically, my purpose regarding how I can serve God here in the states... and how the call to foreign missions is supposed to be incorporated into that.

I came very close to quitting my job before I even started, because upon returning from Uganda last summer I felt like a piece of me was literally ripped out of my chest and kept in the country...and the only way to feel complete was to seek it out again. It's a love and a confidence that fills you that is hard to explain to someone who hasn't been through something similar. Maybe this is what it will feel like one day when I fall in love with my husband; I dont know. But I decided that as hard as it was, I knew God had provided this job for me in Nashville and was calling me to grow in this profession and to be involved with people's lives in this manner as well. I must admit there are times this year that I've let my own selfish desires to be elsewhere prevent me from really allowing myself to grow in my career like I should... because I didn't (and still don't) understand how this all pans out or fits into the grand scheme.

But who says I need to know how things will end? There are a few things I'm certain of, and the rest are blanks that will be revealed to me in due time. I want to be a good PT, well-rounded, and eventually specialize in peds and hippotherapy (therapeutic riding)... but that takes time. I see myself doing that one day when I've got kids of my own. I know that travel and missions work is going to be in there, too... but is that something for me while I'm single? When I'm married? How can I branch out and explore the cultures of other countries while still being so in love with Uganda and east Africa? When do I have time for it all?

Well. That's probably more than most of you wanted to read about the goings-on in my brain. 

I count myself very blessed to be in a career where my bosses are allowing me to take a large, month-long chunk off of work, cutting into their patient-care dynamic, to go back to Uganda. And an even bigger blessing... all but one day is paid time off so I dont have to worry about rent, loan payments, car payments, or bills piling up while I am gone. Maybe it will be a while before I can move to Uganda or wherever God's calling me (Peace Corps? Other ministries?), but I hope that this "little" interlude will be a time for God to renew in me the desires for His Kingdom and view of "love" in the big picture...I pray for divine appointments with new ministries and possibly travel to a surrounding country so I can just soak more of the world and learn and learn and learn.

Is it a self-serving trip? Because I miss Africa? Maybe. Because I feel like if I dont go I'm going to drift so far away that I can't remember the point anymore? Gosh, I hope not. But I know God's doing such great things. And hopefully I can just offer myself as a servant, to get my hands dirty and hopefully make the lives easier for those I'm staying with, to offer any knowledge I can as a PT to orphanages in the area, and to spend the month in complete worship of my king.

love.

*Ahem*

An explanation.

Trip 1: email updates.

Trip 2: facebook group updates about our group (Erica, Rebekah, and myself)

Trip 3: getting with the times, and deciding to set up a blog specifically for those who would like to read about how my trip is going this year, friends, family, and coworkers alike. I'm in hopes that this trip will not be the only time I use this blog space... hopefully there will be more trips to follow, as the time is right and as God allows.

I'm hoping to purchase my ticket within the week, and then this will all finally feel "real" again. I don't want to be so comfortable with the trip to Uganda that I forget about the excitement, the nerves, and the extreme blessing of it all. I've been hesitant to talk to many of you about it because I was afraid that I might not be able to take the time off from work, or I might not be able to afford the trip, so I thought I should wait before letting myself jump for joy. 

Soon...

love,

a.